Inn Sanity
by Random Guise
Summary: For my 200th story, another collaboration/random item seed tale that is a crossover of the Addams Family TVverse and The Munsters. They just happen to have been broadcast the same year, why not put them together? Gomez checks out a potential investment; Herman wins a vacation. I don't own these show characters and my neighbors aren't (too) creepy.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: An Addams Family (TVverse)/Munsters crossover and collaboration for my 200th story. As with previous collaborations, this one has random item seeds. The items are as follow and are used two per chapter: sunglasses, box, fake flowers, clay pot, hanger, cash, clamp, ace of spades, desk, bow tie, ring, newspaper.**

* * *

Inn Sanity

"Mail's in" Morticia Addams called as a siren very like a collision warning sounded. An ornate box sitting on a table opened and a hand stuck out, holding several envelopes. "Thank you, Thing" Morticia replied after taking the mail as the hand retreated, closing the lid in the process. She flipped through the mail, scanning for anything unusual. There were a few bills, but as was often the case the bulk of it consisted of mass-mailings offering various investment opportunities. Her husband did well in his finances, but it only encouraged more offers.

She almost sorted one into the trash group when she took a second look at the offer. A photo of a large older building with somewhat overgrown landscaping was shown on the front along with the caption "Investment of a lifetime". The back offered a look of a very worn lobby and bore the legend:

200 Moons Inn  
Fixer-Upper with Potential  
Large Chateau-style Layout  
History-Rich Investment Opportunity  
Unbeatable Price

Underneath it provided more details of the property and a contact name and telephone number. "What a quaint looking place! Gomez! Gomez my dear!" she shouted.

A human ball appeared through a doorway and rolled nearly to the center of the room before it unraveled into Gomez Addams. He sprang up and shook his head. "Tumbling is a great way to stay limber, but you gotta watch out for that middle ear thing" he said as he placed his hands over the sides of his head, closed his mouth and blew. A loud 'fump' sounded. "That's better!" he exclaimed.

"I do so love a man that's flexible" Morticia purred. "Gomez, I thought you might find this interesting" she said as she handed him the advertisement.

After straightening his dark pinstriped suit Gomez took the letter and looked it over, paying close attention to the details. "Leaky roof. Broken windows. An ancient cemetery within view. Rusty pipes. What's not to like? Think of it Morticia; we could own a hotel and reserve the basement just for us!"

"Now Gomez, don't keep the best room for ourselves; think how much that basement would rent for. _C'est magnifique!_ "

'Morticia! You spoke French!" Gomez started to kiss up her arm starting at the wrist.

"Now Gomez, what if the children walked in?"

"You're right, Querida" he said as he withdrew his lips. "But then again, that's how we got children in the first place" he leered.

"Perhaps later, darling. What about the hotel?"

"The hotel? Oh yes, I had forgotten! I'm tempted to buy it this minute before someone snaps it up."

"It must be that hot Castilian blood of yours" Morticia suggested.

"No, there's just no room in the vault for any more cash" Gomez corrected, pointing to a pile of money spilling out of a shopping bag against the wall. Cash could also be seen on a shelf being held up by bookends. A bundle of notes propped up a short leg on a table while another bundle sat near the hearth to be used as a firestarter.

"Always practical, husband of mine. Shall we take a trip then?"

Gomez grinned broadly. "Splendid idea!" He reached up and pulled a nearby noose hanging from the ceiling, causing an unseen gong to sound off. An extraordinarily tall man entered the room and asked "You rang?" in a voice so deep it made the bowling alley next door complain about the noise.

"Contain your excitement Lurch, but we're going on a trip! Hire a couple of cabs for the weekend and don't forget to pack your dancing shoes."

Lurch responded with a "Uh-h-h-h-h-h-h" as he shook his head, but he reached into a pocket and pulled out a pair of dark sunglasses before putting them on.

"That's the spirit!"

...

"Lily! Lily!" Inside the dusty mansion located in the Mockingbird Heights suburb of Los Angeles, Lily Munster could hear the unmistakably excited voice of her husband Herman Munster from outside their house. She hurried toward the front door but didn't arrive in time to open it before Herman pulled the whole door handle off in his exuberance. He sheepishly opened what remained of the door and walked in with the handle in one hand and a small box in the other. He tried to replace the broken piece, only to have it fall through the gaping hole to the outside.

"Herman..." she started to scold him.

"Lily, I won I won I won I won!" He started to bounce up and down.

Lily grabbed him before more damage occurred. "That's wonderful, dear. Now calm down and tell me what you won."

"When I went to work at the parlor today I was told that Gateman, Goodbury and Graves awarded me this." He held out the small box proudly. "Isn't it swell?"

"I'm sure it is. What's inside of it?"

"Inside?"

"Don't blame him, Lily" an elderly vampire apologized as he entered the room. Grandpa Dracula shrugged "They probably didn't have any brains in stock besides 'extra-small' when they made him."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Herman asked with a puzzled look on his face.

"See what I mean?"

"Now Grandpa, be nice to Herman. He does his best...with what he has."

"Thank you dear" Herman smiled as he bent down and kissed her on the top of the head.

"You're welcome. Now are you going to open the box or am I?" Lily asked.

It took a moment, but then Herman remembered why he was so worked up. "The box! I'm sorry, I was so excited to win something I never thought to open it. Here, you do it" he said as he thrust the box towards his wife. After she took it he stood with fists clenched in anticipation.

Lily lifted the lid and tucked it under to look inside, revealing an envelope.

"I won mail?"

Handing the empty box to her husband after removing the envelope, she opened it up and pulled out a card that said "Employee of the Month". She also found an invitation for a jam-packed weekend of fun for the recipient's family at the 200 Moons Inn, all expenses paid. "It's not too far; we could drive there this weekend."

"But what about Eddie's baseball game?" Herman asked.

"It was canceled due to a big storm that supposed to come in" Grandpa answered. "If we leave after you get off work tomorrow we can still make it there before the storm hits."

"Neato" Herman chuckled.


	2. Chapter 2

"Madeline, quit trying to tidy up the place" Harold McGloom urged his wife as she bustled about the lobby of the 200 Moon Inn. "Face it, there's only so much you can do. Either this Addams guy is going to buy the place or not and I doubt a few minutes work is going to change his impression of it. Let's face it - this place is worn out." Harold looked about at the carpet that was so worn by the front desk the floorboards showed through, the cracked front window that rattled with the breeze that was kicking up outside, a chandelier that occasionally dimmed as a reflection of an electrical supply on the precipice of collapsing, and an atmosphere that subtly hinted at just the wrong combination of dust, mold and bug spray. Even a small ornamental mirror hanging on one wall was cracked.

"I know, but I can't help it - we've worked here forever. We even met here" Madeline said as she adjusted a vase of fake flowers on a side table. The two had first met as young adults twenty years ago, as both had stayed at the inn while working as volunteers at a now long-closed summer camp that had been nearby; when the camp duties were finished during the day they would work odd jobs at the inn during the evening and morning to pay their rent in the already old location. As tends to happen in life, one thing led to another and the two married before going to work full time at the inn.

It was during the last five years that they had become full-time on-site managers of the place, running it for an owner whom they had never seen. Only an agent who would come through occasionally for status reports let them know that someone else owned the place. The owner seemed intent on wringing every last dime out of the place without putting any money back into it, so much so that they found themselves paying for small repairs out of their own shallow pockets.

Now that chapter of their life was closing, for the agent informed them on his last appearance that the inn was being sold and if it was just for the land itself then so be it and good riddance. Harold knew the land had value as something that could be developed, but part of him wished the place would remain however improbable that was; part of his life, part of _their_ life was wrapped up in the inn and he had no desire to see it become a warehouse or golf course.

"I don't know where we'll go from here, but we'll find someplace where you can get a job while I put my feet up" he joked.

"Just long enough for me to kick the chair out from beneath you" she retorted, waving a feather duster in his direction as a mock threat. The threat was ineffectual though as she ended up coughing while Harold remained unscathed. "Time enough for that later, though" she wheezed. "How many are we expecting for the weekend?"

Harold didn't have to consult the reservation book. "We were told seven from the Addams bunch, and we just got a cancellation from the Lane family. That leaves the Munsters and they're supposed to have...let me think...four. The Parks and the Kirkmires are already checked in so that makes fifteen. That's it. We'll put them all on the western side; the roof's better over there. _Everything_ is better on that side."

"Good idea. I've already got those rooms tidied up, but I'll get a few more fresh towels. When are they supposed to be here?"

"He said three, but who can tell? He's probably got other deals going on and he might not even get here with his group today. We'll know when he walks through the door; he'll probably act like he owns the place and maybe someday he will." Harold looked up at the clock and saw that it was already after 2:30. "No use staring at the clock, it won't change whether they get here on time or not. I'll check on the candle supply while you're doing the towels." He darted off to the storage room while Madeline headed to the laundry room.

Several minutes later while in the storage room he heard a sound start to 'di...' followed by a crunch. It started out like the ding of the service bell on the counter, but ended with a decidedly different sound. Curious, with candles in hand he made his way back to the front desk and gazed at a crumpled mass of metal on the counter. His gaze then followed the large hand beside it upward...and upward...and upward until he almost hurt his neck with the angle. Unless the man was standing on a box, he was the tallest person Harold had ever met. He leaned over the counter to steal a glance at the floor and ruled out the use of a box.

"Sorry" a deep voice spoke from near the ceiling.

"That's okay, Mr. Addams. It was an old bell anyway. It had a long and fruitful life."

"Not Mr. Addams. Butler." The room keys rattled on their pegs as he spoke.

"Oh, I see. And when will..."

His question was interrupted when the front doors swung open and a parade walked in. It kicked off with a thin woman who passed through the door being held open by a suited gentleman. "Nice manners" Harold thought to himself. After the woman, a somewhat miniature version of the woman entered along with a young husky boy. A bald headed man in a wool coat came in after that before the suited man himself entered and circumnavigated the sudden crowd and stood by the butler.

"Morticia, I thought you were going to bring something to mark the occasion?" the suited-man asked.

"I did, Gomez dear. I just forgot it outside. I'll go get it." Morticia smiled and headed towards the front door.

Gomez introduced himself by sticking out his hand. "Gomez Addams, and that was my lovely wife Morticia. My son Pugsly, my daughter Wednesday, my Uncle Fester and you've already met my butler Lurch."

"Harold McGloom" Harold said as he shook the offered hand, secretly glad it wasn't the butler's. "Welcome to the 200 Moons Inn. I take it you have all the details you need from Mr. Lackey, the agent?"

"Short of looking the place over, I certainly do. I never did meet the man, but he seemed quite eager over the phone to sell the place for the owner."

Morticia strolled back up carrying a box with a clay pot sitting on top. Several rose stems thrust themselves from the pot, with a single bud on the end of one stem. She placed it on the counter and set the pot beside the box, pronouncing "_That_ makes it a little more homey."

Harold noted the one bud. "Got one ready to bloom pretty soon, I think" he said before continuing. "As we were discussing Mrs. Addams, the owner feels it's the right time to sell. He's divesting himself of the place in order to take on some new challenge, no doubt. I have to admit though, the place needs a lot of work. You'll be staying in the western half."

"Oh, can't we be on the eastern side? I do like a good moonrise."

"I wouldn't recommend it. The roof leaks badly over there."

"Splendid!" Gomez interjected.

"And the heat doesn't work..."

"Cozy!" he added.

"...er, and I think there's wasps nesting near the stairs..."

"Fantastic! And educational!"

"...and the ice machine is broken."

"With no heat, who needs ice?" Gomez laughed. "It sounds perfect! Put us in the east, please."

"Wouldn't you like to see the western area first? No one's been in the eastern wing for a bit, there might be a few cobwebs."

"My good man, you've already sold me on all the good points; no need to try to make it sound any better. No, the east it is. Lurch, help the cabbies out with our things." The butler muttered acceptance and, well, lurched toward the entrance. "We've hired a couple of cabs for the trip and the weekend; you can put our two drivers in the west if it's okay with you. That brings us to nine."

Harold did some quick arithmetic. "I'm sorry, have I missed someone? I only count eight."

Gomez frowned and began ticking off his fingers as he muttered and counted. "Ah ha! You missed Thing!" The top of the box opened on a hinge, and a hand came out. "Sorry, old boy" Gomez apologized. The hand gave an 'okay' sign and dipped back into the box before reappearing with a pair of gardening clippers. With a deft movement it clipped the one remaining bud and disappeared, closing the lid in the process.

"Thank you, Thing" Morticia offered.

Before Harold had time to process what he had just seen, Lurch reappeared through the door carrying two large suitcases in one hand and a cabbie in the other, who also carried a suitcase. The other cabbie came behind with several more bags and a trunk on a cart. "Found this outside, I hope you don't mind us using it" he asked.

"No, I would have used it myself if I had known you were already here" Harold answered.

"Great. I'm Walt, my colleague defying gravity there is Craig. We're on call, but you have our services as long as they don't conflict with Mr. Addams' needs."

Gomez turned to Lurch. "Lurch, put down the nice man and you can stack the bags on the cart." Lurch hesitated for a moment as if considering doing it the other way around, but acquiesced with the request and Craig found himself standing back on the floor again.

"Whew" Craig opined.

"Thank you gentlemen; Mr. McGloom here will set you up with rooms in the western wing while we stay in the eastern one. Lurch will handle our bags, and I'll let you know when I want to go for a drive around" Gomez directed.

Out of the corner of his eye Harold could see his wife approaching. "Actually, my wife and co-manager Madeline will see the two gentlemen drivers to their rooms as I believe they are now prepared for guests."

Madeline quickly scanned the lobby, found the two indicated by their caps and invited them with a "If you'll follow me gentlemen?" Harold quickly handed her two room keys and returned to his guests.

"Now where were we? Oh yes, the...er...eastern wing." He grabbed some dusty keys off their pegs. "If you'll follow me please."

The family trooped off down a hallway with Harold in the lead.


	3. Chapter 3

Harold drew up in front of the old open elevator. "If you really want to stay in the eastern wing Mr. Addams, wouldn't you at least like to relax in the lobby while we prepare the rooms? Just give my wife and I..."

"Wouldn't hear of it, my good man. I want to see this inn as it really is...I insist!" Gomez stated enthusiastically.

"Very well." Harold opened the gate for the elevator and they all filed in. He closed the gate and pushed the UP button, prompting only a 'click' from the control box while the elevator remained stationary. "I'm sorry; the wiring in this area is pretty old. I must have a burnout; we'll have to take the stairs."

"Let me take a look at it" Fester offered. He squeezed over to the control box and opened a panel. "There's your problem; let me get this."

"Are you an electrician?" Howard asked.

"No, just electrical." Fester jammed his finger in the box and sparks showered the area as the elevator lifted at tremendous speed, abruptly stopping on the upper floor. The sudden stop caused everyone to temporarily lift off the elevator's floor before landing again.

"Let's do that again!" Pugsley pleaded.

"Now Pugsley," Morticia scolded "there will be time to play later. We have to finish settling in our rooms first."

Harold shakily opened the gate and led the family out and down the hall. He stopped at the next to last door and brought out a set of keys.

"What's behind that door?" Wednesday asked, pointing at the last door at the end of the hall.

"That room has a window that...er...doesn't close" Harold explained.

"And the best view of the rising moon" Morticia said. "Gomez darling, let's look at that one."

Gomez pulled out some cash and handed a few bills to Harold. Two of them had Benjamin Franklin on them, while the third had Boris Karloff. He took the last one back. "Sorry, that one's a good luck charm. Anyway, the fresh air will do us good!"

A stunned Harold said "As you wish" and took his keys and unlocked the requested door, opening it up. Stepping inside he flipped the lightswitch and held his breath, hoping the illumination would fail and they could exit. However, with a whiff of ozone the room lit and the dust and cobwebs were lit in all their wonder. At the far side of the room, a tree had several branches extending into the room. An open closet revealed a dress clearly from the last century draped on a hanger. A large old water stain was prominent on the ceiling and the rug directly below.

"Amazing, I've never seen a treehouse in a hotel's room before" Gomez observed. "This will be the kids' room. I don't know how this place could get any better."

"It can get really cold if the drafts from the cellars come up the ventilation shafts."

"Underground rooms? Are you sure this place wasn't a funhouse at some point?"

"You have a child's heart" Morticia purred.

"Yes, but I left it at home this trip" Gomez grinned. "I didn't want the glass jar to get broken again."

...

Madeline had returned from escorting the two cabbies to their rooms, and was considering what to do with the potted flower stems when she heard the roar of an engine out front. Looking up, she saw a shape out the front window that looked strangely like a hearse park itself by the entrance. The consummate professional, she held her ground at the desk, braced for anything, with a smile.

A large shape blocked out the light from the soon to set sun, and the shape entered after the door was opened. The shape unfolded itself into a barrel-chested behemoth with a flat-topped head and prominent forehead. The man (at least that's what Madeline assumed, since it came the closest to anything she could describe) held the door and a woman in long flowing dress walked through, a gray streak in otherwise dark hair that matched her black cape. A young boy followed, carrying a very hairy doll. The man released the door just in time to close on a fourth visitor, an elderly man in a coat with a tall collar. The older man complained and walloped the big man, who cringed. The moment forgotten, he strode up towards the desk, stopping to look at his reflection in the broken mirror.

As he slicked down his hair, the mirror made a 'craaack' sound and instantly repaired itself. "Huh, I've never seen that before" the man said as he turned to the woman.

"Seen what, Herman?"

"This mirror, Lily. I just looked at it like this and..."

He repeated the action and the mirror broke once again to return to its former condition.

"...nevermind." He closed the short distance to the front desk, giving Madeline time to adjust her perspective upwards. Good manners required that she address the whole group, but it was difficult with the change of altitude from the boy to the man.

"We're the winners" the tall man bragged.

"Excuse me?" Madeline responded, unsure. There was no family by the name of Winners with a reservation.

"What my husband means" Lily explained "is that we have a reservation under 'Munster'. Herman won a stay here from a contest at work."

"Of course, we've been expecting you. Party of four?"

"Yes, that's us" Herman assured Madeline. "I think we can have up to two rooms according to my certificate." He reached into his coat pocket and frowned. He then started to frantically search his other pockets.

"That's okay Mr. Munster, I already have you booked and paid for. Two rooms would be fine, and I can even put them next to each other. I don't suppose there could be...er...two families like yours."

"Not around these parts, anyway" Herman admitted. "We do have a lot of relatives back in the old country. Some of them haven't even been buried once yet!"

From down the eastern hall voices could be heard approaching. Harold was in the lead, followed by Gomez who was talking. "Magnificent rooms, I have to say; I honestly didn't expect much and thought the sales flyer was exaggerating the condition of the place. Those cobwebs are remarkable" he said as he waved an unlit cigar. "It's going to feel right at home." He took a look at Herman. "I bet you were the tallest in your class" he told him.

"Second-tallest, actually. Kyle Townsend always looked down on me" Herman frowned.

"Do you have more rooms like that?" Lily asked Madeline excitedly.

Mrs. McGloom frowned for a moment and then gave up; it wasn't really in her nature and she brightened again. With a quick glance at her husband who gave an almost imperceptible shrug she continued "I think we should be able to accommodate you, Mrs. Munster. We have some rooms that haven't been used in years."

"Perfect!" Lily gushed. "I knew this was going to be a great place. Too bad our niece Marilyn couldn't make it; she's really missing out on an experience."

"We try our best." Madeline selected two room keys from the pegboard and gave them to her husband. "My husband Harold will show you your rooms now if you'd like."

"Thank you very much" Herman said, stooping slightly.

"Don't forget to duck when you go through the door of the room" Grandpa admonished. "You don't need to be putting a transom where there wasn't one before."

"That hasn't happened in months" Herman bragged as they all followed after Harold.


	4. Chapter 4

"What do you think of them, Harold?" The couple sat in a backroom that also served as a small break room behind the front desk area. From the room they could easily hear if someone rang the service bell or even cleared their throat. The service bell now having gone to the scrapyard in the sky, Harold had thrown caution to the wind and set a cowbell on the counter to ring. It was now morning, but the previous twelve plus hours had been quite the adjustment. The winds had picked up outside, as the storm moved in more slowly than predicted. There was going to be some rain for sure.

"I'll tell you Madeline, I haven't got it figured out yet. I thought that the Addams family was odd enough; their uncle actually asked me to tighten a big wood clamp on his head. A clamp! I struggled with it until I heard a loud 'pop' and then the broadest smile came over his face and he thanked me. Apparently they have a grandmother who couldn't make it that would love to use our long hallways to throw knives and I'd told we seem to have some of the best chimneys around; they have a cousin that lives in them."

Madeline leveled a gaze at Harold.

"I know, I know...but that's what they told me. And the more I think about it, the more I'm leaning toward believing it even if it makes me seem crazy."

"I believe them too. It's really strange, but as odd as they seem to be they are still very polite and, quite frankly, earnest."

"And generous too" Harold added. "Those Addams certainly aren't like any of the money-types that I've known. And at least they _look_ normal. That Munster family is another matter."

"Now I don't want to hear you saying anything about them" Madeline interrupted. "I had a chance to talk with Lily, the wife. Do you know that they're just working-class people, and never would have come on a vacation except they won it in a contest? They all live in the same house, and the husband isn't even from America; he's actually from Germany."

Harold started to say something.

"No, don't go there...he's not a Nazi or anything. He moved to England and then eventually here."

"Maybe that's where he got the green skin."

"Harold..."

"Now, I'm not prejudiced. I've just never met a green person before; it takes a little getting used to is all. He does seem to have a good sense of humor."

"That's more like it. Lily said after they got married they moved to America and he even fought in the war on our side."

"I don't remember seeing him over there in any newsreels; I'd remember a guy like that."

"Well, I'm sure they showed every single soldier in the war so I'm surprised you don't remember him" she said sarcastically.

"Maybe they disguised him as a tank." They both laughed. "And if that Lurch guy spread out his arms he could be a B-52. But we both agree as strange either family is, we've had a lot worse guests before. When I took Mr. Addams on a late tour of the place, he seemed really interested in it and as much for the place itself as it would be for a business opportunity. I told him about the history of the place and how the eastern side was so much older than the western half, and how we really haven't had any money to fix the place up. When I left him last night, I got the distinct impression that he didn't mind fixing up the western part but wanted the eastern wing left just the way it was."

Madeline leveled another gaze at Harold; apparently she had an unlimited supply lately. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised. But I wonder how late they stayed up; I haven't heard much noise from them this morning."

"Mr. Addams, Mr. Munster and his uncle took off early with the two cabs to go into town. Apparently they needed more trains."

"_More_ trains? There aren't any tracks around here."

"Model trains. He set up a layout with stuff he brought with him; a 'small layout' he called it. I swear, it must have been ten feet by ten feet! He apologized that he only had a dozen buildings or so and that it wasn't a proper layout."

"That's not too odd; I think model trains are a nice hobby." Personally, Madeline didn't know anyone who had the hobby but she had at least heard of it.

"I thought so too, until he blew it up with some type of explosive."

"What?! I was going to ask you to see if a tree fell against the inn from the wind last night, but I guess that was it."

"Yeah; he had this little plunger thing and when the trains got close together he pushed it and the thing blew up! Kapow! Then the grandpa suggested doing it a different way, and then Mr. Munster begged to try it, and next thing you know all three can't wait to get out first thing to go shopping."

"It sounds like they're acting as much like kids as the kids, Harold. But then again, don't we encourage our guest to have fun? They may not be sitting around playing cards, but if they enjoy themselves I think that's the idea as long as they don't destroy the place. Speaking of cards though, now that I think about it, Mrs. Addams was playing some sort of card game with her uncle. She asked me to cut the deck before she dealt and I got the ace of spades. 'How lucky, the card of death!' she said. Her uncle seemed genuinely jealous I pulled the card, but I didn't stick around to see what they were playing. Whatever it was, it sure wasn't Canasta. At least those two cabbies played Yahtzee in the lobby; _that_ game I understand."

Any further discussion of pastimes was tabled when the sound of a cowbell rang. Harold jumped up and reported to the front desk, only to find the owner's agent, Mr. Lackey, standing at the desk.

"Good morning Mr. Lackey, I wasn't expecting you. Is there a problem?" Harold asked.

"No problem, except that your phone isn't working; the winds probably took down the wire somewhere. Did that Addams fellow show up?"

"He _and_ his family. He's out at the moment, but if you want to talk to him you can stick around. I expect they'll be back shortly."

"No thanks, I've got other places to be and there's no real need to meet him anyway. I just wanted to pass on the word from Mr. Gringer that he's decided to sell the place next week to a developer who will demolish all the buildings. You can pass the message on to Mr. Addams when he gets back. Tell him I'm sorry he made the trip for nothing, but at least he'll have the distinction of being one of the last guests in this place. I'm going to beat it out of here before the rain starts and I'll be in touch within a week or two when the deal finally goes through." The agent doffed his hat, hurried back outside and was gone. Harold sighed and went to go break the news to his wife.


	5. Chapter 5

A short time later the lobby erupted with noise as the early morning shoppers returned.

"Now don't forget, I get the red choo choo!" Herman reminded Gomez.

"He knows, Herman. The shop owner had a hard enough time getting it out of your hands when we tried to buy it" Grandpa admonished.

"I respect a man who enjoys trains" Gomez grinned. "I _really_ like him if he wants to destroy 'em." Walt and Craig followed behind carrying various boxes bearing train logos; the boxes showed signs of the rain that was beginning outside.

Harold strode out towards the group and intercepted Gomez. "Mr. Addams, could I have a word with you please?"

"Certainly. We weren't too loud this morning when we left, were we?"

"No," Harold answered as he guided the man over to one side by a desk "not at all. But while you were gone this morning, the agent for Mr. Gringer stopped by. It seems that he's decided to sell to a developer who wants to level the place and turn it into a shopping center or something." He sighed and continued "I'm afraid your trip here was for nothing."

"Nothing?" Gomez exclaimed. Herman and Grandpa turned their attention toward the pair. "I've had the best time out I've had in ages and you tell me it was for nothing? I've met a wonderful family" he said as his hand swept his shopping pals "and stayed at the most comfortable inn I could imagine; it's almost like home except that I don't get mail here."

A box on the counter opened and Thing appeared and put a few envelopes on the counter before ringing the bell and disappearing again. Gomez picked it up and looked at the name on the address. "Boy, junk mail will find you no matter where you go!"

Lily now entered the lobby, chatting with Morticia. "Herman, didn't Eddie come in with you?"

"Why no dear, he didn't go with us. He was going to explore those catacombs with the Addams kids this morning."

"Don't worry Lily, I'm sure our kids are fine. Sometimes we practically have to drag our kids out of our basement, but we tell them they have to at least come up for meals" Morticia reminisced. "People always ask how they get such a wonderful pale skin."

"Oh no, that's not good" Howard said, his complexion paling greatly.

"Sure it is," Fester added as he joined the group in the lobby "you should see yourself."

"No, you don't understand. The cellars and the caves we call the catacombs are all subject to flooding" he gulped. "Sometimes we have to pump water out after a big storm."

"Well, just how big is this storm supposed to be?" Herman asked.

"Big."

"Eddie!" Herman yelled as he began to pace. "Quick, call the fire department. Call the police. Call the National Guard. Call the President!"

Lily slapped her husband with a mighty whack. "Or we could get some lights and go look for them right away."

"The phone doesn't work anyway" Harold confirmed. "But we might be able to dig up a storm lantern and a few flashlights."

...

"That takes care of all the cellars" Howard informed them after gathering together in a small subterranean room after a short time of frantic searching. "Food and wine haven't been stored down here in ages, but we used them for general storage about five years ago so I still know where everything is. That only leaves the caves that lead off beyond this open door. It's normally closed, so we can be pretty sure they went this way."

"Eddie!" Herman shouted into the open passageway.

"Wednesday! Pugsley!" Gomez added. There was no response. "How well do you know these caves?"

"I don't, really. I've explored them when I was younger but I didn't memorize them. There are a lot of dead ends, some loops and one path eventually leads to an underground stream. The water has never come up as far as the door, but they might get trapped somewhere else."

"Could they get out another way?" Fester asked. "Not that I'd want to leave such a swell spot..."

"If there is another way I don't know it" Howard answered. "But we've got the moms and cabbies looking around upstairs, so if the kids show up Madeline can come down and tell us. I've brought rope to help guide us back once we go inside."

"I've got it" Gomez said as he snapped his fingers. "We tie the rope out here and take the other end with us as we explore. Smart thinking!"

The group assembled themselves along the rope and started into the caves. At each branch a person would stay while the rest of the party eliminated the remaining passageways. They progressed until Harold tripped on a rock and broke his lantern. "We'll have to go back and try to find another lantern that works" he bemoaned.

"No time for that" Fester called out in the dark. There was a rustling and suddenly the area was lit by a lightbulb coming out of his mouth. He removed it to speak and it became dark again. "Let me lead the way" he called out before reinserting the bulb.

They switched positions and continued the search, going deeper into the caves. The sound of rushing water could be heard as they went deeper, coming from somewhere ahead and down. After a time Fester stopped and didn't move forward, but held the end of the rope out so everyone could see that they had reached the end of their safety line.

"Now what?" Gomez asked. "We're at the end of our rope...figuratively and literally."

"Let me show you how we do it back in the old country" Grandpa demanded while loosening his bow tie. "Fester, I need the light out. Everyone else stay where you are while I take care of this." Fester pulled the bulb out, but not so quickly that it wasn't possible to see the older Munster family member disappear in a puff of smoke and emerge as a bat. After the light went out there was a screech as the bat flew around the area before continuing forward.

"Don't worry everyone, Grandpa knows what he's doing" Herman encouraged them just before there was an "OUCH" up ahead followed by a brief curse. "His sonar doesn't work as good as it used to though."

After a short time Grandpa's voice called from up ahead "They're just up ahead, but on the wrong side of the water. I need Herman here fast."

"But we're out of rope, Grandpa!"

"Wait!" Gomez exclaimed. "How much further do we have to go?" he called out.

"Not far, about fifty feet I'd say" Grandpa estimated. "Maybe a little more, but not much."

"I've got an idea. I'll go back and untie the rope from the room, then come into the cave as far as I can while I can still see the entrance. That should give us the extra rope we need to get Herman to the kids." Gomez started back along the rope towards the cellars.

After a few minutes Harold could feel some slack in the rope from behind. "Mr. Addams is giving us the extra rope now; let's go with that light!" Fester reinserted the bulb and they were off again, following the directions until they came to the stream. The three kids and Grandpa stood on one side of a fast moving stream, on a narrow ledge that ran for several feet along the water's edge until it disappeared into darkness on either end. Eddie held a dim lantern.

"But we like it here!" Wednesday pleaded.

"Yeah, maybe a body or something will float past" Pugsley added.

"We just want that body to be you" Grandpa chided. "Herman, push that stalagmite over across the water and make a bridge; hurry!"

"I can't, it's too heavy" Herman blurted out as he tried to move the stone formation and failed.

"You big oaf, maybe I should just bring Lily down here to do it instead!"

Herman frowned, grumbled and with a mighty shove cracked the stalagmite at its base without moving it. This only made him mad and a second shove toppled it across the water. It broke in several large pieces but provided stepping stones across the water. Herman recoiled as if wondering that he had actually done it.

"Hurry before the water rises any more" Harold encouraged.

One by one the kids crossed to safety until only Grandpa was left. "Go ahead Fester, lead them out. Everyone follow the rope! I'll make my own way back."

The group followed the rope backwards, retracing their steps until they reached Gomez, who then led them all the rest of the way back to the cellar. Herman followed the group and closed the door behind him. They all started talking and laughing in relief when there was a thud on the door. Herman muttered "Grandpa?" and opened the door to reveal the older man rubbing his forehead. He entered the room and promptly kicked Herman in the skin.

"You blocked my runway you dummy!"


	6. Chapter 6

The party went well into the night after the full reunion took place, children were alternately praised and scolded, and deeds were already taking on heroic levels. The group said their goodnights, went to their separate rooms and the truth be told slept fitfully while still trying to calm down from the day's events. It eventually happened though, and it was calm the next morning as the sun rose on the wet surrounding after the storm had passed through. A few trees had blown over in the process, but remarkably the power had somehow either stayed on or been restored so quickly that no one noticed the difference.

Harold and Madeline sat at their little table, enjoying a quiet breakfast when they heard a soft "ting" of a bell. They came out to the desk to find Gomez and Morticia standing at the desk; Thing had very softly tapped the cowbell against the counter to create the very un-cowlike sound.

"Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Addams. Ready to check out already?" Harold asked.

"Not yet, I'm still going to enjoy as much time here as I can. Besides, not everyone's up yet; it sounded like Herman and Lily were just getting ready. Even Fester is still sleeping on his box springs" Gomez admitted.

"Box springs? Isn't that a little uncomfortable?" Harold pondered out loud.

"Granted it isn't as comfortable as sleeping on his bed of nails, but we just didn't have the room to bring that with us" Gomez explained. "I hired cabs, not moving trucks."

"Well, we...ah...try to please so I'm glad the springs...um...were acceptable. Regardless, as the last official guests of the place feel free to stay the remainder of the day and ignore the twelve-o'clock checkout time" he grinned. "You've been great to have around, and if my last experiences here are with you folks I could do a lot worse." He twisted his wedding ring on his finger. "Madeline and I have a lot of our life together tied up in this place."

"I don't want to say _Bon Voyage_ either" Morticia agreed.

Gomez looked at his wife for a moment and then looked around the lobby, ignoring her French in his melancholy.

"Why not outbid the other guy?" Craig said from across the room where he was playing cards with his fellow cabbie.

"Excuse me?"

"What Craig meant" Walt said as he discarded the final card from his hand "- out, by the way - is that if the owner is going to sell to a developer for the sure money, just give him a better offer and maybe he'll sell it to you instead."

"Gomez, that's a wonderful idea" Morticia enthused. "Mr. McGloom, do you think we could?"

Harold thought about it. "Well, he likes money - I know that for a fact. And the agent said the deal wasn't done until next week so...I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask."

"Outstanding!" Gomez said as he nearly burst. "Do you have his number?"

"No, and the phones are still out anyway even if we did. But I do have his home address where we send licensing paperwork. It's less than two hours away" Harold considered, getting a little more enthusiastic.

"Let's get a second opinion. Thing, let's summon our newest friends!" Thing rose out of his box, holding a noose. Gomez pulled on it and a loud gong sounded, shaking the room slightly.

"Nice trick" Madeline observed.

"It works anywhere" Morticia bragged.

Very quickly afterward Lurch strode into the lobby. Gomez explained his plan and Lurch agreed and disappeared as Lily and Herman walked into the room, followed shortly afterward by Fester and Grandpa who were discussing explosives. Gomez outlined his plan, and suggested as a business trip that with possibly tough negotiations that the men should go in the two cabs to avoid taking all three cars.

"Herman negotiate? He can't even buy a newspaper without paying double for it" Lily declared.

"I can't help it, those vending machines are tricky" Herman shrugged. "Lily handles the bills in the house but I can still go along for moral support. Can't I, please? Please?"

Lily patted her husband's arm. "Okay; just don't say anything and we'll be fine."

"Oh goody."

...

"This must be the place" Harold said as they pulled up in front of a large ranch house. The circular drive now contained two cabs in addition to a luxury car. "The address is correct. And there's a large 'G' beside the entrance. Are you ready?"

"Let me fill in the others and then we go" Gomez decided. "A successful businessman communicates what he wants quickly and clearly in order to begin negotiations." He walked over to the other cab and talked briefly to Herman, Lily and Grandpa. He returned and said "NOW we are ready. Lead the way!"

Harold led the way to the front door of the house and pounded on the door knocker. After a short time he heard the knob rattle and the door opened to reveal a butler. "May I help you?"

Harold swallowed and forged ahead. "My name is Harold McGloom, and I'm the manager at Mr. Gringer's 200 Moons Inn. I've come with a business proposition for him."

The butler looked at Harold's modest clothes and started to scoff, but caught sight of Gomez in his smart suit and held himself in check. "Wait here please" he said as he shut the door and walked out of earshot. After several minutes the footsteps returned and the door opened again. "Mr. Gringer will see you" he informed the pair.

As they stepped inside Fester quickly joined the group. The butler arched his eyebrows in surprise while Fester gave him a big "Thank you!" with a hearty handshake. Gomez made to close the door after Fester, while palming some tape across the door locking mechanism before pushing is shut. He gave a grin to Fester, who quit shaking the butler's hand and the three followed the disheveled servant to a large sitting room where a man sat in an overstuffed chair reading.

Harold, having made it this far, gave it his all. "Thank you for seeing us, Mr. Gringer. I know Mr. Lackey said that you had another buyer for the inn, but Mr. Addams here would like a chance to negotiate."

Gomez, who had casually studied the room, lunged to his right and grabbed an epee from a display. He tested its balance and flexibility and then pointed it at Gringer. "I want the inn and you must give me a chance to have it!" he cried before putting the tip of the blade under a nearby flower and flipping it expertly in the air to Fester, who ate it.

"Yummy!"

"That is, if you don't mind" Gomez continued in a conciliatory voice as he replaced the weapon on the display. "Nice balance. I am prepared to pay a twenty percent premium over the other offer."

Fester put his hand on a grandfather clock and the hands spun around. "Time sure flies when you're having fun."

"Mr. Addams, I appreciate your offer and I certainly would like more money but I'm afraid I already have a tentative agreement with the other buyer. I'm sure you understand."

"I understand...that you're a shrewd negotiator. I admire that. How about a twenty-five percent premium?"

"It doesn't change the facts, Mr. Addams."

"No. Perhaps if I brought in some friends who've stayed there" Gomez said raising his voice "and they could tell you what a wonderful place it is." Gringer's jaw dropped as Lily and Grandpa walked in, followed by Herman who banged his head against the top of the doorway making a hole and a pile of plaster and stone on the floor beneath.

"It really is a nice place with such lovely rooms" Lily gushed.

"It's built better than several dozen of my ex-wives" Grandpa added. "The caves remind me of back home in Transylvania."

"And Mr. Addams has promised us rooms in promisc...proxi...whenever we want. If they're not there when I come back next year I'm going to be VERY disappointed" Herman finished. He never meant it to sound like a threat, but Gringer didn't know that.

Gringer sat stunned in front of the waiting group.

"I can see you're thinking it over" Gomez remarked at his silence. He thrust a paper in front of him. "Here's my final offer for a thirty percent premium, with a quarter in cash on closing and the rest financed over two years. Do we have a deal?"

Gringer looked at the paper as though he had forgotten how to write before he slowly picked up the pen and barely managed to scribble his name on the document, all while keeping an eye on Herman. After he had signed Herman let out a "Huh-uh-uh-uh-uh" laugh as he pounded his foot, which broke through the floor.

Gomez reached into several of his pockets and pulled out a few small bundles of bills. "Sorry for the damage my friend caused, he's just excited you know."

Outside, the group gathered by the cabs. "See? Go in knowing what you want and what you're willing to pay, and then negotiate!" Gomez bragged. "Now I own ninety percent of a fine inn."

"Ninety?" Grandpa asked. "You didn't give that man the other ten percent did you?"

"No, that wasn't part of the deal. No, the other ten percent goes to the on-site couple that will run the place. I'll pay for the improvements - to the west side only. Keep the east the way it is, and Harold and Madeline have their salaries and a little bonus based on how good business is. How does that sound?"

"Perfect" Harold concluded.

The End

* * *

**A/N: And so this story marks a third collaboration with my friend Craig to mark my 200th story. Since the shows were contemporaries he wanted a Munsters/Addams family crossover and thought they could meet while on vacation or something so this story came about. The Addams weren't ones to leave the house much during the series, so I had to come up with different way to lure them to another location.**


End file.
